Contelysia

What do I have to go on? Is it the thousands of words of love that echo in every corner of my heart when I remember you? Or is it how those echoes don't pierce and shatter each muscle? Is it the shadow of your touch across my skin? Or is it the way I feel nothing of it? Where do I go now? If not your arms when I'm frightened of the dark, Do I seek mine in this dread? If I don't run to you... To whom do I run? What do I feel? Do I miss you, hate you, love you, call for you all at the same time? Yes. Every fibre of my being wrestles to hold onto you, While my heart — already beaten down in love — lets you go like just another yesterday. How could you be just another yesterday? Three-hundred and fifty nine days that I would never cry for? How could the remembrance of you not rip me apart? How does seeing your face be just another event of my day? Am I content with you losing me? Will I be okay with losing you? I laugh at my insincerity. Of course , if you ask me to— I'll c

break my heart. break my heart and shatter my expectations leave me wondering about all the things I did wrong, leave me wondering if I could've done it better. maybe, if I dressed your wounds with my blood, carved a cross onto my chest that binds my faith to you — my soul would still be in one piece, my heart still unbroken. cross the stars. the stars of us that glance down from the night sky. the stars that spin around each other, desperate not to touch. desperate to never feel the spark that just sits between them. for once, cross them. For I am the force that keeps them together, You are the repulsion that pushes them apart. I am the getaway town you rush to, And you're still my home. mend my heart. I beg you — mend my heart like you always do. keep me close enough, keep me wondering if I'll, one day, be good enough. maybe, if it all comes to an end,  if all the doors shut in my face and leave me no escape, I'll fix my own heart that you'll always leave broken.